i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
