So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Randomize
