It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
