I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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