I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
