I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
