May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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