what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
