You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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