Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
