i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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