i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
