i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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