that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
