I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
