I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
