part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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