I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
