Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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