Need sex. Gaining weight.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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