I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
