so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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