I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize