So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
