I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
