thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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