im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
sarcasm needs its own font
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
