why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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