took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
