It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
