So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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