Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Sext me about skeletons
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
