You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
