told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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