How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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