He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
