yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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