Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
