I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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