i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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