Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize