my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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