She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
