I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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