Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
