If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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