It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
