I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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