i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
my poor anus
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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