so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
