ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
