You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
