she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
