I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
