blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
There's always time for handjobs
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
