non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
i think my cat just said my name.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
