she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
