I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize