It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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