1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
