this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Randomize
