so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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