my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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