And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
