I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
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