And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
