dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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