I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
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