hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
