So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
