ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
