I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
