This girl is more easily done than said...
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
