you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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