If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
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