why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
