I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
